The past year has been a very transformative one for me. Next month, it will be one year since my family member was diagnosed with cancer.

This meant changing the processing time in the sticker shop to 2-3 weeks even though it was scary. I was afraid no one would place an order because the wait time would be too long.

It also meant lots of medical appointments and sitting in the infusion center for hours during chemotherapy.

However, the cancer diagnosis also meant meeting very nurturing and supportive doctors and nurses. It meant hours in the infusion center reading intriguing library books and watching J-Dramas and K-Dramas on Netflix. It meant allowing customers to show support by still placing orders even if they took 2-3 weeks to arrive.

Later in the year, I began seeing my spiritual director again. After a few sessions, she shared that she suspected I may be on the autism spectrum. While not a formal diagnosis, the possibility opened up a new world for me.

I have known since childhood that I likely had ADHD, but autism was not something I had considered very seriously. A few years ago, my art therapist told me she had autism and shared how she experienced it. At the time, I didn’t really recognize it in myself. We had discussed masking and I did relate strongly to that notion. But I suppose I didn’t really understand what it meant to have autism.

Since then I have become absorbed in a variety of autism related content. Extraordinary Attorney Woo and Astrid et Raphaelle are my two favorite fictional tv shows. I am currently watching season 3 of Love on the Spectrum on Netflix. I am currently reading The Ultimate Guide to Thriving with Adult Autism by Elliot Reese and Women and Girls on the Autism Spectrum by Sarah and Jess Hendrickx. I also listened to the first season of The Telepathy Tapes.

Then last month came another milestone, my seventeen-year-old cat finally crossed over the rainbow bridge. I am still processing this, considering we were together for half of my life. I kept expecting him to die for the past four years and now it’s almost unbelievable that he is actually gone. Unlike previous pets, I chose not to have him cremated. Instead, I buried him in the backyard and say good morning to him every day.

Over the past year, I have seen first hand that difficulties in life serve not only to drag us down, but also to lift us up.

The cancer treatment has connected me with people I would have otherwise never met, perhaps even avoided, because of my extremely introverted nature. It also gave me time to enjoy books and tv that I would otherwise have shunned because I would have been working instead.

The successful implementation of a longer processing time has given me more faith that my business can endure even without being a hyper-productive corporation the way that I once believed.

My autism discovery and the passing of my cat seem to be ushering in a new era for me. Honoring both my past self and its trappings, as well as my new self and a new way of interacting with the world.

I hope to blog more frequently here. But it won’t be like how I have blogged in the past. With new awareness of my AuDHD (autism + ADHD) mind, I have a much clearer notion of what boundaries I need to keep this sustainable.